Xenon Saves the World
by Random Guise
Summary: A sequel to the sketch "The Funniest Joke in the World". When a joke that can make you die laughing falls into the wrong hands, it's going to take a supreme effort and a little luck to protect the planet. I don't own these characters and I've never literally ROFLed. Rated for death by steamroller.


**A/N: Based on the Monty Python sketch "The Funniest Joke in the World" from their first episode.**

* * *

Xenon Saves the World

"Tonight, on _Things You Aren't Aware Of_ we are going to cover perhaps one of the most potentially deadly, dastardly and devastating plans ever uncovered in history" the TV announcer spoke to the camera. "The world's population came within days of being wiped out in 1977 by a threat from World War II. How did you and everyone you know almost die a horrible death? I'm Eric Somber and we'll find out after these important messages from the makers of Sudsy Wudsy. "

For two spellbinding minutes the audience was glued to their seats as visions of bubbles and clean lather filled their television screens while a soothing voice told them that life would be perfect if they used Sudsy Wudsy. Perfect for the owners of the company, that is.

Eric Somber reappeared on the screen. "Are you dead? Probably not, otherwise our show ratings would be a lot lower. But you COULD have been dead if not for the brave efforts of a group of government scientists working to stop a deadly threat long thought extinct." He started walking down a country road.

"On this spot in the Berkshire countryside in 1950, the last remaining copy of Ernest Scribbler's Funniest Joke in the World aka Deadliest Joke in the World aka Killer Joke was laid to rest according to the directions of a special session of the Geneva Convention. It wasn't tired, but with a punchline so lethal no one could hear it without dying it was shoved under something that looked heavy and then marked so that everyone would know where it could be found. Not surprisingly, after nearly a decade someone figured out they just needed to topple over the monument and take the joke. "

The camera zoomed into a close-up of Somber's face. "But it wasn't that easy. In a rare case of smart thinking, government officials actually DIDN'T put it there at all but instead left a paper that read 'Sorry for the inconvenience'. In other words, for the first time in history someone didn't get the joke. But even if they didn't get the joke, they could get the soil off their clothes with these fine products from Sudsy Wudsy."

Dancing elves and fairies danced and sang about how their civilizations would still be around today if only they had used Sudsy Wudsy products. After a minute they all vanished in a dust storm and the show came back on.

Somber now sat in a control room with a bank of television monitors behind him as he addressed the camera. Most of the monitors were showing adult entertainment for some reason, much to the pleasure of the video engineers at their boards. "But evil, like taxation, knows no rest. Various foreign powers started trying to reinvent the joke, reverse engineering it from interviews with those who had worked on the original German translation. In a startling breakthrough, the actual joke was found featured intact in an episode of a 1969 British comedy show. Careful analysis of the audio portion of the clip revealed that one of the words had been overdubbed with another word, so as to not lose whatever portion of the audience that understood German at the time. With this knowledge, it was a race against time as these previously mentioned powers tried to find the correct word to unlock the deadly potential of the joke. We can't tell you the name of the powers, but one rhymes with 'Tanama' and the other shares a border with Greenland."

"While this was going on, the Ministry of War and Other Terrible Things feverishly worked to create an antidote for the joke, an approach which to this point hadn't been considered before. M-WOTT Secretary Alfred Withered-Parts ordered around-the–clock research to be conducted, and then ordered research to done away from the clock as well to facilitate discovery."

"By sheer chance an antidote was found due to a classified accident. However, using the APCRAY (Angry People Can Rally Against You) laws voted in by Parliament we were able to find out what happened. And what happens when you can't get those work stains out? Try Sudsy Wudsy!"

A horrific scene developed where a man working on a road crew was run over by a steamroller. The next scene showed the newly-widowed wife joyful as she pulled the coveralls out of the washing machine, without a trace of blood on them. Sudsy Wudsy couldn't save you from a steamroller, but it sure could clean up afterward.

Now Somber was in some type of laboratory, with scientific equipment around him and wearing a white lab coat. "Working in this laboratory, a janitor attempted to eat a chili dog in violation of standing and a few sitting safety protocols. In order to sneak the delicious treat, he slipped into this chamber to eat undetected. Unknown to him, the atmosphere had significant traces of the elemental gas Xenon. Inhaling both the gas and the hot dog, he later passed wind in front of a detector that just happened to be at the right height and just happened to be turned on and just happened to be turned to the right settings and just happened to be sitting where he…er…tooted. The green lights came on and a tune played indicating success, and nearby scientists rushed in to take credit for the discovery. As a result we have no idea who the janitor was, but we'd like to thank him and his dietary selection."

The scene shifted to inside a cargo airplane. Somber continued in a loud shout to be heard over the engines "AT THIS POINT, HAVING DISCOVERED THE ANTIDOTE IT WAS…" The engines cut out and Somber was able to continue in a normal voice while he started to put on a parachute. "…a simple matter to retrofit airplanes that currently fight forest fires with a Xenon/Methane gas mixture, and spray the entire nation. As a result of the exposure to the gas, all people are now immune from the deadly joke no matter which unnamed power might deploy it. They also are immune from ANY jokes or humor, but on the bright side now everyone is as serious as politician, judge or lawyer and that's a small price to pay for being alive. I'm Eric Somber, and if I can bail out of here before we crash I'll see you next week with a new cameraman on _Things You Aren't Aware Of._ Goodbye!"

The camera followed Somber as he jumped out of the plane, and as his parachute opened far below the Sudsy Wudsy logo could be seen on it.

The End

* * *

 **A/N: While I was writing something in my profile about laughing so hard you pee on yourself, it brought to mind the "Funniest Joke" sketch from Monty Python and I started thinking about what if someone watched the show and tried the joke now? With Google translation you could just about take out the planet! Something had to be done...  
**


End file.
